Boo has been gone all week. It is awful. Parenting is hard, parenting Boo is REALLY hard... and yet when he is gone life is even worse! Yes, I get to work longer in the lab and I do try to take advantage of this. Yes, I could go out without trying to find a baby sitter (which is my least favorite thing ever) but I don't. There are lots of reasons for this. 1) I don't have time when Boo is home to invest in outside of lab relationships. 2) I am not a good loner, I don't go out to eat alone or to movies, etc.
It has been a really long and lonely week with a great deal of time to think. I had planned, of course, to read and get all caught up and surpass my goals for quals. But I come home and I end up sitting on the couch and just staring at the wall. I finally realized that this is the first time since Boo has been born that I have been 100% alone while he is away. Before we moved here for the PhD we lived with my parents so when he would leave I had family to keep me company and keep things hopping.
It's amazing how sad and unable I have been to find my motivation this week. I have bouts of sadness, mommy blues, stressful times, and just plain not a clue why I'm crying into my Pepsi One even when Boo is home. But this week, completely alone, it has been a nightly occurrence.
He comes back on Sunday. It cannot get here fast enough!